Almost all of us have been carrying loads of expectations of varied kinds.
During childhood, the expectations were –
Study well. Respect elders. Behave properly.
Study well. Respect elders. Behave properly.
As we grew, the expectations not only changed, they also grew in number.
Expectations on performance.
Expectations on responsibility.
Expectations on success.
Expectations on accountability.
Expectations on stability.
Expectations on perfection.
The list seems endless….
Expectations on responsibility.
Expectations on success.
Expectations on accountability.
Expectations on stability.
Expectations on perfection.
The list seems endless….
Some of these expectations are from the outside.
Some are from within.
Some are from within.
I will present an analogy to understand the weight of expectations.
Imagine a person donning an empty backpack.
As he starts moving, someone says – “You need to be successful”, and puts a small stone into the backpack.
Another person says – “I want more money to manage the house”, and puts another small stone into the backpack.
Each person, while stating their expectations, puts another small stone in the backpack.
Another person says – “I want more money to manage the house”, and puts another small stone into the backpack.
Each person, while stating their expectations, puts another small stone in the backpack.
Before the person realizes it, the backpack is full of small stones – each of them not heavy, but collectively very heavy to carry.
What happened to these expectations?
Some become aspirations.
Some become commitments.
Some create stress.
Some expectations create a fear of falling short, if not fulfilled.
Some become commitments.
Some create stress.
Some expectations create a fear of falling short, if not fulfilled.
Are you resonating with these?
If so, perhaps it is time for taking a pause, and reflect.
If so, perhaps it is time for taking a pause, and reflect.
Who filled the backpack with stones?
How many of them were from outside?
How many of them were from within?
How many of them were from outside?
How many of them were from within?
Once we got the answers, we need to move to another set of questions.
Do all the expectations deserve equal importance?
How many among them are genuine responsibilities?
How many among them are social comparisons?
How many among them are genuine responsibilities?
How many among them are social comparisons?
Once we got the answers, we need to move to the next set of questions.
Which are the expectations that contribute to our growth?
Which among them can wait?
Which among them drains our peace of mind?
Which among them can wait?
Which among them drains our peace of mind?
Once we got the answers, it is time to have honest conversations with the persons who caused these expectations.
At this point, you will probably discover that they too are carrying a similar backpack, full of small stones.
Some of those stones may have been placed there by you.
Perhaps they are trying just as hard to fulfil our expectations as we are trying to fulfil theirs.
This is where honest conversations become valuable.
Such conversations help us understand the expectations each person carries, the pressures they are experiencing, and the priorities they have set for themselves.
Together, we may discover that not every expectation deserves immediate attention.
Some are urgent. Some can wait. Some may need to be modified. Some may no longer be relevant.
We also begin to understand how each of us can contribute towards fulfilling the expectations of the other.
There may not always be complete agreement.
There may not always be an immediate solution.
Yet, there is almost always a better understanding.
There may not always be an immediate solution.
Yet, there is almost always a better understanding.
And that understanding changes the relationship.
The conversation gradually shifts from,
"Why aren't you meeting my expectations?" to "How can we help one another?"
Perhaps that is the greatest outcome of the conversations.
The conversation gradually shifts from,
"Why aren't you meeting my expectations?" to "How can we help one another?"
Perhaps that is the greatest outcome of the conversations.
Our backpacks may still contain the same number of stones.
Yet, somehow, it feels lighter.
Yet, somehow, it feels lighter.
Not because the load has reduced.
But because we now know that we are not carrying it alone.
But because we now know that we are not carrying it alone.
Expectations may create pressure. Understanding creates possibilities.